Published on April 11, 2011 | by nauman Photography by0
Tales of two-timing: Guelph-Humber students spill sexy secrets
Three Guelph-Humber students share their relationship disasters
Foolin’ around. Doin’ the nasty. It’s an age-old activity in some but not all monogamous relationships and it tests the mettle of even the most persevering of partners.
In its first blush, cheating can seem like a thrill, releasing everyday stress, perhaps boredom, and initiating a relationship partner into a world of secrets, clandestine trysts, and sex
Its roots can lie in a lack of sex or emotional support within a romantic relationship. Louise Fox, Canada’s etiquette expert says cheaters may be too self-centred. Many who’ve indulged themselves agree cheating isn’t for the faint of heart.
Guelph-Humber students, whose last names are undisclosed to protect their privacy, share their stories of going astray. Some students tell of the disappointing blow after catching a partner in the act.
Justin had been caught once before, but was forgiven. The first time he cheated, Justin frolicked with his best friend Janine, a sultry redhead.
Six months later, and, he was off to Mexico with his buddy, Kevin. “The trip was great…sipping tequila, relaxing by the pool, not to mention all the women that were there,” Justin says.
After returning from the trip, Justin found himself in an uncomfortable situation. “Not only had Janine arranged to pick me up at the airport…but my girlfriend and her family were at the same gate.”
As events transpired, Justin’s girlfriend was there to pick up her brother. “It just so happens she was at the same arrival gate, at the same time as me and Janine,” he says. While Justin was forgiven once, the second time didn’t go so well.
When you cheat, “you’re playing with fire,” says Fox. She shares her thoughts on relationship etiquette. “It’s more than just etiquette,” she says. “It goes farther back to stability and ethics and morals and you know expectations of your partner and all those kinds of things.”
For Jamie, he had high expectations of his partner, assuming her loyalty even when he wasn’t faithful. Turns out, karma came back to get him.
Jamie told his girlfriend he was out with the guys, playing at the local pool hall. Really, he was on a date with a hot blonde he met in class. While out for drinks, Jamie soon learned his girlfriend had taken advantage of his absence.
As he walked towards the bar to grab another Heineken, Jamie caught his girlfriend playing tonsil hockey with her coworker. “I never expected to be the one cheated on,” says Jamie.
Fox says there are better ways to go about relationship problems than to cheat on your partner. Instead, “say to the partner, you’re just not into them, or ‘I think we should break up.'”
Julie did just that. She broke up with her boyfriend so she could experience the single life. However, things turned around when Julie realized she couldn’t let go of her past relationship.
Julie had been dating the same guy for three years and ended it after realizing they both wanted different things. “I wanted to date different people…you know, not a serious relationship. I wanted to have some fun,” Julie says. She met Harrison one night at the Humber’s Linx pub and they exchanged numbers.
That didn’t stop Julie from keeping in contact with her ex. The two got together whenever they could. It just so happens, though, that Harrison and her ex were old friends.
Not knowing this, Julie began texting the two nonstop. “I texted Harrison at least twice a day. And my ex even more…I didn’t know or even think that there was a possibility of them knowing each other,” Julie says. “So I went out one night with Harrison and we ended up having a really good connection.”
The next time Harrison invited Julie out was with a bunch of his friends, and apparently even one of her own. “I couldn’t believe it. The guy I had a huge crush on and my ex were old friends,” says Julie. “It couldn’t have gotten any worse.”
According to Fox, relationships are all about respect, kindness and consideration. “You have to think about how the other person feels,” she continues.
In this next story, there is a total disregard for these key relationship attributes.
Carly had been dating Mark for just a couple months. One thing the two had in common was their matching iPhone 4 cellphones with twin black covers.
After hanging out all night at Mark’s place, Carly picked up one of the phones, assuming it was hers, to find a message from a girl named Rachel. It read, “Are we still getting together tonight? Text me when she’s gone.”
“Turns out it wasn’t my phone,” Carly says. “[Mark] was hanging out with his ex the whole time.”
While Mark may have been apologetic, Fox suggests people who cheat aren’t that regretful. “They’re just regretful that they got caught.” She also says to help prevent cheating, “the best thing to do is to be honest.”
Since there is no statistical data on incidents of unfaithfulness, experts can only speculate. According to an article in The Wall Street Journal entitled The Young and the Restless: Why Infidelity Is Rising Among 20-Somethings, infidelity rates have increased in the past 15 years. Experts believe it’s due to young people having more sexual partners, shorter relationships and, if married, more time spent away from their spouses.
Anyone in a relationship may hope a partner wouldn’t be getting any on the side. But as Fox says, cheaters are selfish. “They see some eye candy and want to have it.”
Fox advises those who have thought about cheating to think twice. She says, “Sometimes you would like to have it all…but…you have to exercise restraint in this life.”
When someone cheats, it shows they may not have much integrity, Fox says. “You’re not responsible and don’t have any restraint…any barrier, any guidelines or cut off points. Not a good image to show the world.”